So I had hoped to get to church today, I think it has been about a month since I was there. Just sort of fell of the planet – not really but it felt like it on some days. I didn’t make it – skyped with my daughter in Africa and the youngest was wavering on letting me go so I offered options and stayed home. Sometimes I wonder if I should offer choices but today it felt right to do so. Hope is this funny thing – you only hope for good things at least I don’t know of anyone who hopes for anything bad.
After the youngest was hospitalized for the second time we of course were given a lot of information from the hospital. Again the state of mental health care is so disjointed and not very clear as to how to get help, where help is and how to access appropriate care for whatever condition you are dealing with it it truely amazing that anyone gets help at all. Ok enough of the rant this is not the focus; the focus is hope.
So we were sent to a new practice to see if they could better deal with what the youngest was going through . The very first time I met the doctor I was impressed. She was kind, soft spoken, and she told the youngest ” I want you to have hope, because I have hope. I have worked with similar clients and I have hope . Will you let me work with you.” And of course the youngest said “yes, but I don’t think it will work”
You see he was still in psychosis and trying to deal with it himself without help, without hope. Reading stuff off the internet and listening to the voices in his head. It was a difficult time and I have to say the struggle goes on. So you hope, for calmer days and clearer thinking and just when things get better they crash and you still think you are doing what needs to be done only to find that you are stuck.
Hope – in 1 Corinthians13:7 love -always protects , always trusts , always HOPES, always perseveres . I think we persevere because we hope. So I hope, for clearer thoughts and calmer days. For healing for the youngest . For perseverance to continue this journey. I also hope that none of the experience is wasted and that is one reason for this missive so that others can have hope. And I have hope that I will get back to a routine of doing things like going to the church , grocery store and appointments without the ten texts in twenty minutes asking where I am and can I come home early and when will I be back. I hope for the light to stay on for the youngest even when I am gone however briefly and that he once again feels safe. That is my hope.