Who knows what challenges new parents face?? I have four children and each is a recombinant !!! None exactly alike, none with the same personalities, and none of them came with instructions! I think it is a miracle that any child survives because the parents – any parents are shooting in the dark trying their best and dueling with recombinants. When someone tells me they treat all their children exeactly alike then I think they must not be paying any attention to their children unless of course they have only one.
Today was another day of more questions than answers in my house although they were not spoken. We have a silent house for the most part. When the youngest finally let us know about the voices we learned that several things spoke to him, like the TV, the radio, the cat and the vacuum cleaner. I did not mind not using the vacuum cleaner – I don’t like housework anyway, but I did and still do miss the TV and the radio because even though he is out of psychosis he still doesn’t like the noise. So we live quietly without noise or conversation much.
Today the youngest was in a funk. Just in a mood so we sat on the back porch early and played some Yahtzee – it helped that I lost 2 of the 3 games but still in a mood. After lunch he began obsessing over his pulse again which pushed it higher so that made the mood even darker. I let him pout and lie on the bed squirming and not sleeping or napping occasionally taking a deep breathe and sighing – this went on for about an hour. And I wanted to just shake him and say get over it, but then I thought would I do this to someone who had diabetes, pneumonia,or any other disease – No ! I refuse to be sucked into this mood so I sat there pondering recombinant DNA and crocheting snowflakes for Christmas – I would leave but that would make things worse. Then he said “bitter” as I had earlier asked him if he could tell me what his mood was because sometimes he doesn’t have the words to tell me due to his confused thought processes and sometimes he just doesn’t want to talk. So I paused and said ” well that is a choice you can make , not the one I would choose but a choice” and that was that. No big change but a small one, he became more interactive with me and played a word game. I gently suggested he should write a poem about his feelings and someday he might but not today and not now.
Pray without ceasing yes, I can speak to that! Prayer for patience and wisdom and a lot of other things too!! But most of all perseverance in this struggle – no one signs up for this but the recombinants can throw you a loop and I pray for grace and patience. It has been said that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle- I disagree. I think He does give you more so you learn to rely on Him each and every moment of each and every day – complete dependence upon the Source. Still learning this but it is different now, I have learned to pray first and then act – at least some of the time. I do see how families are broken when this disease comes into their lives – it is hard and I am thankful that for now the youngest let’s me into his world, even if I struggle with what to do and say because their are others who have lost that connection and I cry tears when I think that this could happen so I try to think about it – too painful but I pray for those families who struggle because I know how hard it is . Thanks for reading. Peace and prayers