So today I thought I would get to church. It is communion Sunday and as a deacon, I usually help serve. But today I am at home with the youngest. Yesterday he said he wanted me to go to church and I believe he did. This morning he said he wanted me to go, but then asked if I could stay and maybe next Sunday he could go with me, So I stayed home.
this disease of anxiety, heaped upon anxiety is not predictable. But we are making progress. He said this morning that his stess level was a 5 or 6 and when asked what he thought it would be like if I went to church he said ” probably a 9 or 10″ . ( scale of 1 to 10 – 10 being the worst) This is better than a few weeks ago when ,if I left it would have been a 12 or higher!! So the progress is there, though slow and I have to ask what have we learned from being stuck and there are several things to remember.
- I have to be aware and ask the right question – not just “are you ok?”
- anxiety can be from good news (being an uncle) or bad – the stress chemicals the brain produces are the same!
- patience , patience , patience is called for always
So a few more nuggets of knowledge for the tool box to remember and to use I also have to remember that the youngest hides his distress because when he was in psychosis, the voices would tell him not to say anything. And as he confessed to me ” I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to think I was crazy ” so another conundrum to deal with in this skewed brain disease – making sure to ask the right questions as well as observing the subtle changes. At least there is progress, though it is slow and steady.