While I have been away from church these last few weeks, the study class has been studying Job. I am glad I have been absent for I fear they would all look at me as if I had some insight to Job and all that happens in that book. Well I don’t , I do know the feelings of Job sitting in my ash pile (pity pot) and I do sometime feel that no one is caring – even God. Then of course I get a scripture on my devotion or by accident ( not really) turn to Ephesians 4:6 instead of Philippians 4:6 and read ” one God , father of all, in all things, over all things and through all things.” This has become my mantra for the last few days because no matter what I do it isn’t enough.
This weekend my elder son came home first time for a while and I was concerned that the youngest would have another infusion of stress chemicals which whack his brain and set him into a spiral. It happened when the grandson was born but fortunately only lasted about three days. We are doing better – at least I think we are and he just doesn’t seem to want to believe it. And there’s the rub. Trying to talk sense and reason to someone who has a fragile grip on reality is hard, your find yourself repeating things over and over,underlining and highlighting the same stuff over and over. It can be frustrating. No, it is frustrating.
back to Job and Ephesians – here’s what I know . God is a mystery, He reveals Himself as He wants and does what he pleases to accomplish His purpose. This included sacrificing His only begotten Son, so that the door is open and we can come into His presence, cry Abba, father and weep our hearts out which I do regularly, and He will never leave, nor forsake you. He may not answer your question, or give you a time line of how anything will work out but He is continually working for good. It is His nature of pure , true love that sustains. One day I will be able to have a word with Job and he and I shall exchange what wisdom we have learned from our trials because our trials are no different from anyone else’s. I have learned so much from leaning towards the Source that I do not want to lean any other way and this too is hard for some who do not understand , some times when I think of the youngest saying the light goes when you leave and I am truly humbled that I am a light for anyone. And I don’t want to mess it up. So I rely, trust and hope in the one true God. This God who is in all things, over all things and through all things has my name written on His hand and even when I feel out of sight and out of mind it is not true I am cherished and loved continually with an everlasting love and I am humbled.