Slimy pits, despair, and control

Today my morning reading was Psalm 40 , you know the one about the slimy pit from which the psalmist gets lifted from by the hand of God. As I was reading about this, I thought yes, I know that pit and some days it feels like I am deep down in that pit. I hear my aunt say “Now just get off that pity pot – it isn’t going anywhere!” I smile because she was so right and had a way of cutting to the chase, no holds barred kind of way to say move on or as they say in chess pawn forward!! I must say that some days the pit of despair is right cozy, you can whine and complain and generally bemoan your  lot in life – it doesn’t get you anywhere and after a while it is boring so pawn forward and move!!!

My second reading this morning reflected on Matthew 7:11 “how much more shall your Father in heaven give good things to them that ask Him” well I have done a lot of asking and praying and the questions and requests  remain unanswered . So then Oswald Chambers posits that we have to know that God is in control even when it doesn’t feel like anything is in control . Because nothing comes to us except that it has passed through His hands first!  Which means a perfect attitude of trust and an eagerness to ask and seek. Well I am far from perfect and am humbled daily . Again Oswald  proclaims to “keep the notion(idea) that God is behind all things strong and growing. Which brings me back yet again to Ephesians 4:6 about God being in all things, over all things and through all things and resting in this promise. When we are confronted with a trial there are more ways to answer that trial than one can imagine. Today I wanted to just curl up, cry and feel sorry for myself , but after these readings I feel ready or at least almost ready to face whatever comes and know that God is present – always even when it doesn’t feel good, even when prayers aren’t answered even when my choice is not the best, even if I am in the slimy pit . Yesterday was hard nothing went the way I thought it would but with this disease that is probably the standard rather than the unusual. We had a blood draw and although it went fairly well the youngest was off the rest of the day and by the time he had settled it was 4 p.m. and I longed for a break, a reprieve, a conversation which did not happen all this was still on my plate and I was again reminded of His Presence this morning.

One last verse Joshua 1:5 ” I will never leave nor forsake you ” and I am thankful that He is faithful even when I am not.

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