It is snowing here, along with sleet and freezing rain. And someone somewhere will need a push. And this is what the youngest needs too. Not a big hard shove, but a gentle push, just to get him started. So this week I have been gently pushing the idea for him to contact the facility which does a live-in program for people with serious mental health issues. Not for an interview, just for a tour, a look-see about the place.
Right now the youngest is doing well although he is still way too firmly attached to me and needs more independence. So I push just a little and I encourage and I pray a lot. After all push stands for PrayUntilSomethingHappens. I remind him each time he says “I can’t” that he has indeed succeeded so I think the “I can’t ” may instead mean something like “I am fearful, or shy or scared” not that he actually can not do whatever it is he attempts because he can and does accomplish things. Like this week we got the guitar tuned and he can play a few notes on it and it is very melodic and soothing. His blood pressure is down and his pulse is also down. Though he was nervous a bit yesterday – probably due to the Jonas storm which sits upon us now spitting out sleet and freezing rain.
It it reminds me of the verses which speak about being an encourager and watching our words so that when we speak we are lifting up and not putting down. So a little push, a dash of encouraging words and some more independence with a lot of prayer and we get unstuck – everyone needs a little push now and then accompanied by encouraging words and a hug – yes we all need these things. So for today my prayer is that I will speak with encouragement, give a little push and know that wherever I am is holy ground and should be treated as such.
A new year comes into play and we all make resolutions, new diets, new reads, new outlook. I read the title to this blog page on a devotions I thought -“Yes, this is what I need to do, make a new habit of doing the right thing, not the comfortable thing” because doing the confortable thing has not worked out so well for the youngest. We ( my hubby and I ) have been doing comfortable things for the youngest and in essence have been telling him he is not capable of doing things for himself – which by the way is false !!! He is totally capable of doing a lot and a lot more than we ask of him!! I sometimes wonder if it wouldn’t be better for him to be under the guidance of some one who could be more loving to him by him by requiring him to do more for himself. You see we are stuck; we have seen the hullicinations, the sleep deprived sucide watch, the seizure youngest. We have seen the worst and we do not want for the youngest to suffer these again and so we have loved him into dependency and clinginess and this is not good. So we now have to do the best thing, which is decidedly uncomfortable, we have to say no, you do it. Or we have to say Mom will be gone with her cell phone turned off and you (the youngest) will be fine. It may not feel fine for a little while but you will be fine and you are strong enough to do this. The youngest does not understand how this is for the best and yet each and every time we choose to do the best thing, the youngest steps up and grows a just a little. It is growth and I know that it is a worthwhile outcome. Example, the other day I had an appointment, we went through the usual coversation of ” do you have to go – yes, can I go with you – no” and on it went. I went to my appointment, receiving multiple text messages and finally texted him ok I am turning my cell phone off now , I will let you know when I leave. So I got home, no one had died and I just said to the youngest ” I am going to prayer team tonight, if you want to go you need to wash your hair and gets a wash and change your clothes”. After a few minutes he came and got his hair washed, got cleaned up and then he asks to have his feet soaked and scrubbed. Now this is forward motion and growth and what needs to happen . Was it comfortable – no but it was the right thing to do!!! I am convinced that for me – I need to make this a habit, a conscious choice, over and over so that it is rote and not so uncomfortable , so my new motto for the year is to do what is best, not what is comfortable, to achieve a worthwhile outcome!! Pray is works, pray I remain strong, pray that I do the best best I am convinced the youngest is a worthwhile outcome.
Today I was awakened @ 5:52 a.m. With the buzzing of my phone as I had set it to vibrate. It was the youngest “CMP?” Shorthand for check my pulse. As I stagger down the hall and go into his room, he is sitting crossed legged on the bed. So I know he is fully awake even if I am not. I ask if he wants coffee, but he says” no,but I would like a pancake.” So down to the kitchen where the cat awaits his treats , coffee machine on and pancaked made, I think about the little conversations that occur.
yesterday the youngest had a restless day and said .” I can’t figure out where I am supposed to be.” He has said this before and so I ask where do you want to be, but he can’t answer. . So I remind him it is Sunday and he knows at least the day of the week.
Where are we supposed to be? Now that is a question! This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it; the Psalmist proclaims. So we can choose to be in this place and time with respect to the Creator or we can choose to be in this place with no regards to the Creator at all. There is a Greek word for time- Kronos like the minutes and hours of the day and another one -Kairos for opportunity.
perhaps we should view all days as Kairos- opportunities to be wherever to acknowledge the Creator and to be aware that where ever we are; we are placed. Let us take the opportunity to be kind, love more and be listening for the Creator.