A bump on the journey

This week has been up and down much like a roller coaster. I am not fond of roller coasters; there are too many ups and downs and it all makes me a little nauseous.  So this week we had family on Monday, his counseling on Tuesday and the rest of the week looked pretty quiet – or so I thought as I looked at the calendar at the first of the week. Monday and Tuesday went ok, Wednesday was a little off as we had gone to prayer team but the youngest couldn’t sit with the group but sat outside the room where he could hear what was going on. Puzzling but not alarming at least for me.

Thursday was a difficult day. It started early when at breakfast the youngest had some strong, jerking movements in his arms causing him to spill his water. This of course was alarming to him because he recalled the last time this happened and he went into a full blown seizure. After breakfast he did his exercises, jogging 1.5 miles and then came in and took a short nap stating he felt better. After lunch since the Internet was off we went and did errands which took about 2 hours. And the jerking movements recurred from when we returned till after dinner several times. I asked if he felt he needed to go to the ER but he said no, later he changed his mind. I did let the doctor and  his therapist know what was going on. It was a night of little sleep as the youngest was fearful so I laid down with him until  he had gone to sleep. He awoke around 3 a.m. and again he couldn’t go back to sleep so I laid down with him again until he had gone back to sleep. Upon rising the next morning, his jerks and “uncontrolled movements” were still present so I called the doctor’s office and off we went to see the doctor, not his regular doctor but that was ok. And we had received a message from his regular doctor about what we were to do. This included a blood draw which is never a good thing and an increase in some medicine which we had been trying to decrease. So the increase in medicine helped calm the youngest and hopefully will not turn into a long term thing. Perhaps they will be able to discern what the problem is and make adjustments but more likely will not and we will have to journey on this road in the dark or at least in the fog.

I have learned to be less fearful in the dark, to embrace it and to sit in it ; not with comfort and ease, but with resignation that it is where I must be for the present. I know that I am in the araphel ( the cloud of God), not knowing whether I am under protection (which I am) or under instruction ( which also happens) ,but knowing that I am safe and loved by a great God who holds my hand in all things. So my prayer for today is that in this cloud I remember that God is in all things, over all things and through all things and that He will never leave nor forsake those who love Him. Amen


Community, fellowship, communion

yesterday was therapy day for the youngest. It was also my book club day. So I took him in for his session and his dad picked him up from the session. The youngest usually goes with me to the book club and this is good because it gets him out and into a fellowship of sorts. We don’t sit in the circle when we go that would be too much for the youngest at this point, but we sit near and participate even when we break into small groups and have mini discussions on scripture with thoughts being brought back to the whole group. Since he is so attached to me we are trying to loosen the tie that binds.

Yesterday our discussion was on what constitutes a Christian and at one point we were talking about fellowship. Someone stated that this was a must for Christians, but I posited that that was kind of harsh given that some are not able to fellowship with others and like the youngest and find it traumatic to be in a group. So then it was turned into a how many types of fellowships there are and what they all look like but the one that stuck was the fellowship with God the creator and His only son the Christ.

It felt better to leave it at that,because last Sunday was communion at our church. We have communion at the end of service and for closing rather than a benediction , we gather in a circle and hold hands and sing “Bless be the tie that binds” . The youngest was ok until he remembered the closing and began trying to get out of it and when he finally confessed what he was anxious about we reached a compromise, he participated in communion but left before we did the closing hymn. Sometimes we need to be cognizant of others, not to compromise the truth of God, or to allow the sinner to keep on sinning, but to remain in truth ;  love the sinner, the anxious, the ones with severe mental problems and compromise on the rituals. Sometimes it is a fine line of discernment which can only take place with prayer and petition to the one true Lord. So my prayer today is for wisdom to speak the truth, discernment to make the compromises and persistence to remain in the truth of God with love. Amen