This week has been up and down much like a roller coaster. I am not fond of roller coasters; there are too many ups and downs and it all makes me a little nauseous. So this week we had family on Monday, his counseling on Tuesday and the rest of the week looked pretty quiet – or so I thought as I looked at the calendar at the first of the week. Monday and Tuesday went ok, Wednesday was a little off as we had gone to prayer team but the youngest couldn’t sit with the group but sat outside the room where he could hear what was going on. Puzzling but not alarming at least for me.
Thursday was a difficult day. It started early when at breakfast the youngest had some strong, jerking movements in his arms causing him to spill his water. This of course was alarming to him because he recalled the last time this happened and he went into a full blown seizure. After breakfast he did his exercises, jogging 1.5 miles and then came in and took a short nap stating he felt better. After lunch since the Internet was off we went and did errands which took about 2 hours. And the jerking movements recurred from when we returned till after dinner several times. I asked if he felt he needed to go to the ER but he said no, later he changed his mind. I did let the doctor and his therapist know what was going on. It was a night of little sleep as the youngest was fearful so I laid down with him until he had gone to sleep. He awoke around 3 a.m. and again he couldn’t go back to sleep so I laid down with him again until he had gone back to sleep. Upon rising the next morning, his jerks and “uncontrolled movements” were still present so I called the doctor’s office and off we went to see the doctor, not his regular doctor but that was ok. And we had received a message from his regular doctor about what we were to do. This included a blood draw which is never a good thing and an increase in some medicine which we had been trying to decrease. So the increase in medicine helped calm the youngest and hopefully will not turn into a long term thing. Perhaps they will be able to discern what the problem is and make adjustments but more likely will not and we will have to journey on this road in the dark or at least in the fog.
I have learned to be less fearful in the dark, to embrace it and to sit in it ; not with comfort and ease, but with resignation that it is where I must be for the present. I know that I am in the araphel ( the cloud of God), not knowing whether I am under protection (which I am) or under instruction ( which also happens) ,but knowing that I am safe and loved by a great God who holds my hand in all things. So my prayer for today is that in this cloud I remember that God is in all things, over all things and through all things and that He will never leave nor forsake those who love Him. Amen