A bump on the journey

This week has been up and down much like a roller coaster. I am not fond of roller coasters; there are too many ups and downs and it all makes me a little nauseous.  So this week we had family on Monday, his counseling on Tuesday and the rest of the week looked pretty quiet – or so I thought as I looked at the calendar at the first of the week. Monday and Tuesday went ok, Wednesday was a little off as we had gone to prayer team but the youngest couldn’t sit with the group but sat outside the room where he could hear what was going on. Puzzling but not alarming at least for me.

Thursday was a difficult day. It started early when at breakfast the youngest had some strong, jerking movements in his arms causing him to spill his water. This of course was alarming to him because he recalled the last time this happened and he went into a full blown seizure. After breakfast he did his exercises, jogging 1.5 miles and then came in and took a short nap stating he felt better. After lunch since the Internet was off we went and did errands which took about 2 hours. And the jerking movements recurred from when we returned till after dinner several times. I asked if he felt he needed to go to the ER but he said no, later he changed his mind. I did let the doctor and  his therapist know what was going on. It was a night of little sleep as the youngest was fearful so I laid down with him until  he had gone to sleep. He awoke around 3 a.m. and again he couldn’t go back to sleep so I laid down with him again until he had gone back to sleep. Upon rising the next morning, his jerks and “uncontrolled movements” were still present so I called the doctor’s office and off we went to see the doctor, not his regular doctor but that was ok. And we had received a message from his regular doctor about what we were to do. This included a blood draw which is never a good thing and an increase in some medicine which we had been trying to decrease. So the increase in medicine helped calm the youngest and hopefully will not turn into a long term thing. Perhaps they will be able to discern what the problem is and make adjustments but more likely will not and we will have to journey on this road in the dark or at least in the fog.

I have learned to be less fearful in the dark, to embrace it and to sit in it ; not with comfort and ease, but with resignation that it is where I must be for the present. I know that I am in the araphel ( the cloud of God), not knowing whether I am under protection (which I am) or under instruction ( which also happens) ,but knowing that I am safe and loved by a great God who holds my hand in all things. So my prayer for today is that in this cloud I remember that God is in all things, over all things and through all things and that He will never leave nor forsake those who love Him. Amen


10 thoughts on “A bump on the journey

  1. Sweet Friend,

    Your words pierced my heart deep. I am a momma of a girl who was diagnosed with epilepsy from infancy. As I was reading, my heart broke with you…I know that fearfulness and that wondering and that sleeplessness. Please know I will be praying for you and for your precious one today and in the future. May His healing power touch every fiber of your child and bring wholeness, protection and peace. I love that word, araphel… may His cloud of mercy so infiltrate your living that miracles are the result.


  2. And thanks for sharing this at the #Grace Moments Link up. I am late in the visiting that I hoped to complete when the link up went live a few weeks ago, but I know His timing is always perfect.
    I hope to see you there again!


  3. This statement right here is so powerful and a truth I learned and am walking through right now! “I have learned to be less fearful in the dark, to embrace it and to sit in it ; not with comfort and ease, but with resignation that it is where I must be for the present.” Thank you for sharing!


  4. “The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.” Deuteronomy 33:27
    His strong arms are our security no matter whether we can perceive the light or not.
    This part of your journey reminds me of Hannah Hurnard’s book Hinds’ Feet on High Places. There was a part of her journey when she was walking through a dense fog for such a long time….
    Your trust in Him is inspiring! May God continue to bless you with the blessed assurance of His loving Presence with you. 🙂


    • Thank you, and thankfully the bump was just a bump and not a roadblock lol, and we are still making small steps forward. It helps knowing that the cloud Nc darkness are not to be feared but embraced and to be stil with God


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