Today I read this from Family Fire “The goal of grieving is not to change the child, but to free yourself from the anxiety, turmoil, and sense of desperation that the child’s behavior causes in you.” and I thought yes, but what if the grieving is daily and there is no break in which to fully grieve the loss of someone.

my son’s schizophrenia hit him when he was a junior in high school. And we knew something was wrong but were completely unaware of the depth of the psychosis. So when he went to college and did not have the more ordered routine of high school his psychosis got really bad and he finally sought help. And today he is doing well for the most part and making good steps towards independence, but there are days when it is not so.

And I grieve for him, knowing that he wants a better broken but struggles to leave the house. Knowing he wants friends and companionship but struggling to say hello or make eye contact. So you grieve and you grieve daily. Some days is washes over me like waves ,pounding and strong, other days it is just little nudges and the tears flow. Yes I believe in grieving and crying because tears are normal saline , emphasis on the normal. Perhaps I should study grief, but as it changes over time and against circumstances not sure that would do any good .

so my prayer today is a prayer of gratitude, that the Lord God knows our grief, that He bottles our  tears and that He is the great Comfortor. That He provided tears as well as assurances that He will never leave nor forsake us and that He is in all things, over all things and through all things -thank you Lord of all AMEN


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