Today is Sunday in my area of the world. This means for me it is the Lord’s day, a day of rest , reflection and worship. It was a good day, which followed a stress filled week and so the rest and worship was a blessing. So what is new?
Well, last Sunday our choir director popped her head into the nursery and told the youngest that she missed his smile in the sanctuary, and boom just those few positive words were enough . Enough for the youngest to say ” Enough, next Sunday I am sitting in the sanctuary “, and he succeeded. Not only did he succeed, but nailed it big time. He spoke with people, shook hands with those extended and participated , singing the songs and listenening. So after service I asked what was the Best/Worst thing and how did he feel. He admitted the best was that he had done it and there “really is no worst” . He admitted that he probably could have used the extra Ativan but chose not to ask for it and was glad he didn’t because he knew now that he could do the entire worship service without drugs. I reminded him that with practice it would get easier and he agreed.
We are also negotiating my going to the big apple (New York City) , to help the eldest with the grandson, while his dad is traveling. And we are also negotiating a change in the dynamics at home because, number two daughter is returning from being in Africa for two years. October will be a stirred up month but we are talking through the issues in family and I think that helps. It makes everyone aware of the stresses which are different for each of us and communication is a weak point for us.
So my prayer for today is that as we break down our walls, and release our fears we will respect that each of us has feelings and not one is more important than another. That we will continue to cast our cares to the Lord, as well as make them known to each other. And that we will be able to sit with the discomfort , knowing that maybe the brokenness will be healed into a stronger place of faith, trust and hope. So the verse of the day is 1 Peter 5:6-7 and Phillipians 4:4-8 from the sermon today because all we are like sheep prone to anxiety and fear . AMEN
This has been a hard week for me. And others I suppose. The youngest said he was sick though I am not sure he was and cancelled his appointment with his social worker. And just today decided he ” didn’t feel like” going to his guitar lesson though he is the one who signed up and scheduled it. It has been a tough week with little interaction amongst the three of us, though we co-habit together. Little conversation except for the usual “wht’s the weather” and “what’s for supper” . Quiet, very, very deathly quiet. So the dog days have set in with a heaviness that seems everlasting and sad and stagnant.
But there are good things too, so let us focus on them for a minute maybe the heaviness will lift and blow away like a thunderstorm on a hot day. First the youngest has continued to keep up his jogging routine even in all this heat and humidity. That is a positive thing which produces many good sequela, like weight loss, and positive hormones and getting out of the house. Second, he is now in charge of doing his own laundry, something he was doing when he went to university but had not at home until last week saying” the machine is complicated”. So this week one on one training, one time and boom, “hey, this is easier than at college” , yes it is and so he has washed his own clothes twice without incident. This is good because for him to go to an intermideate program he needs to be able to do things, like laundry!!! Good for him! He also has been helping with the yard work, doing the edges with the weedeater thingy and I think he quite enjoys it.
So my prayer for today is that the youngest continues his step forwards with fewer steps back. I read today the story of the blind beggar . You know the one where Jesus was asked “Who sinned this man or his parents” Jesus’ response was classic “Neither, he is this way so that God’s glory may be shown through him.!” But I have to admit it is hard to see God’s glory on some days when the grief overwhelms me and I wonder where indeed is God’s glory in all this mess of life. I also read somewhere this week that God gives us what we need – REALLY???? because who really needs a son with schizophrenia, who would sign up for that??? Is it that I need a seriously ill child – no I think it more likely that I need to be aware of the God of all things, the one who is in all things, over all things, and through all things ; the God who brings peace in a distinctly unpeaceful situation , the God who comforts when the tears roll down and nothing can stop them, and the God who is faithful even though you are not! Yes this is what is needed but in this broken world we get the seriously ill, the cancers, the sadness and depression but one day we will have an eternity of peace and joy and love continually. So the struggle continues goes on; and I am thankful for the vestiges of strength and the glimpses of hope ,brief as they may be for I know who carries me when I can carry on no longer . Thanks be to the one living and loving Lord of all. AMEN.