Wow, a year has passed and what a change in The youngest. Last Thanksgiving we were still stuck, but getting some traction. We had our usual feast but the youngest ate in his room due to the intense anxiety he was feeling. This year just wow, and thankful for all the positive steps that have come with this year. To round out last year , the youngest had a seizure which scared us all but it seemed to reset something in his brain, and from then on it was forward movement. Some days were small tiny steps, others were more impressive.
This year has been exciting seeing him come up from that pit he was in and seeing him take charge of his own self. For instance he started walking and then decided he needed to be jogging and then he decided he would do 10,000 steps per day. Part of those steps are jogging and part are jogging. He also made a milestone of one million steps!!! We are all inspired to keep our walking up because of what he is doing – no because of his leading and inspiring.
So on this Thanksgiving day I am thankful. Thankful that the Lord God continues to pour out patience, endurance and health on me and my family. Thankful for the doctors, counselors, nurses, phlebotomist and others who touch our lives. From the smiling receptionist at the lab where he gets his blood drawn, to the receptionist at Oasis. Just very thankful. Psalm 100 yes I will be making a joyful noise ( since I do not sing well lol) and praise to the Almighty for His continued good works.
No, this isn’t about the election, though I am sure it could be. I have been back from my trip to NYC for nearly two weeks and have been pondering being lost. I go to a book club on Tuesdays and we are reading “An Altar in the World, by Barbara Brown Taylor. Our last meeting was about being lost, what it is and what it isn’t. Our homework was to find a way to get lost or to ponder a time when we were lost and what we felt , experienced , took action etc. so I have been pondering about being lost.
truly I am tired of being lost, lost for words to help my son and his schizophrenia, lost for what to do next, lost for how are to push and when to push him to the next step or half-step, lost for not being able to explain any of this to anyone else so it makes sense, lost in the appointments, the drug changes and pill counting. I am tired of being lost.
As Ms. Taylor says I her book, I want to be like the cows with their well-worn paths to favorite shady places and watering holes. These paths are tried and true, no surprises, no sudden u-turns, no side effects to be dealt with. But — I am also reminded of the scripture which Jesus describes himself as the gatekeeper and he says ” my sheep will come in and go out and find pasture” (John 10:7-18) . I find myself longing to stay in the pasture, inside the gate, on the well-worn paths, safe no surprises. But Jesus does not call us to stay on the well worn paths for we are to come in and GO OUT. I think if we stay on the well worn paths we miss to many blessings and we miss being a blessing to others as well. I still don’t like being lost, but I can abide with it because I know the Shepard, the good Shepherd and He is indeed good .
so my prayer for today is that I remain in the grace and mercy of the good Shepherd, whether I am in or out of the safe pasture , allowing the good Shepherd to calmly and gently be present to keep me on His path whether it is worn or new. AMEN