Today was family meeting day, where our little triad goes and sort of has a check in with the therapist, to see how things are going what changes , what successes, what setbacks etc. are discussed. So far all has been going fairly well, or so I thought and hoped. But today on the way to the office the youngest had a panic attack, accompanied by shaking and breathing problems and short sharp answers to “are you ok?” The response was “NO” . So I was reminded that the youngest has a serious mental health problem, which no matter how much improvement we have, it still exists! It made me send up a quick prayer for peace and help right then and as I was driving the car in traffic I couldn’t do much more than that. It caught the hubby off guard also and his response was” oh for heaven’s sake” which I am sure he regretted the minute it left his mouth and he followed with ” just take some slow deep breaths and here you can hold my hand”, which was refused. Being caught off guard is hard and while I could not just stop and cry which is what I wanted to do , I could say a prayer for peace and help , maybe that was what was needed. The youngest got himself together, but was still shaken when we got to the office, so I slipped my arm in his and gave him a little squeeze , just to let him know I was there, no words said, but I could feel his step relax and he seemed better. We did discuss the reactions at session and we all agreed that it was the unexpected nature of the anxiety and panic which caught us all off guard.
That is what it is like with schizoaffective disorder, you can do something over and over again like getting in the car and going to a session and Boom, anxiety sets in and then panic and there you go!!
Today I am thankful for the presence of the sovereign Lord, who hears every prayer the quick ones and the long ones, as well as the short, desperate ones. And I am assured He hears them all, captures the tears in bottles and remains present. I long for the day when I don’t have to think about such things as panic attacks in traffic , it probably won’t happen, but the sovereign Lord has and does provide miracles so I will await with hopeful expectation, eyes and ears alert, and will still be caught off guard!!! But that is one thing about God – HE is never caught off guard !!