I was just reading about Laura Story and her Husband Martin, and their story of his brain tumor and the consequences of surgeries, and she said ” what choice do we have, we will always be in the midst of this battle with these consequences, and we have to do it every day, and boy she hit the nail on the head.
It has been two weeks since the youngest came down and said “my voices are back” and I feel like I have been stuck in mud, thick gooey, quicksand like mud. We are still moving forward and we have new hope for a peer companion to come alongside with the youngest and help in the next month or so which is a positive strong thing to praise the Lord for such programs. But the reality is that we too, will always be battling this disease of schizoaffective disorder, and there will be blips, and muddy slow as snail paced weeks when the progress seems oh so small.
This is the time when I lean into the grace of God, who gives endurance when all I want to do is to curl up in bed and have a week-long cry. This is the time of a sacred sorrow, a deep lament like the psalmist does in Psalm 13. I can feel the deep distress of him who wrote ” How long, Lord, How long are you going to turn your face from me?” It is a deep cry , gut wrenching call, seeking the most high God in moments of weariness and distress. And yet it is not without hope, for the one who calls out also acknowledges the sovereign Lord, in whom he places his trust at the end of this lament. Someone recommended the book A Sacred Sorrow by Michael Card, and I am thankful I chose to get this book. It is a beautiful work about sorrow, because we all have sorrow at some point in our lives and rather than rushing through it, perhaps we need to sit with our sorrow, cry out to God and lament like those of old, Job, David, Jeremiah and even Jesus. Perhaps we need to bring back this skill of weeping before God, bearing our souls and being comforted by the one who is Comfort. It is hard work this lamenting, and it is sacred work.
So for today I am thankful for those who point us to resources whether it is a book or personal experience. Thankful we have a High Priest who understands our laments, and for the Spirit who intercedes when all we can do is curl up and cry for loss of words. Thankful for those who stop and say prayers for peace and comfort in times of lament and thankful for the Son who bore the cross so we can come freely to the throne. AMEN