Acceptance or giving up

So this week and last have been hard on me and perhaps I am over thinking things. There is an art to acceptance, but there is also an act of giving up. And how do you discern the difference?? this is what I have been pondering this week and last. For me it is hard to accept that I now have to drive 17 miles to get the youngest to his appointments because his anxiety is at the point that causes panic attacks when we are on major roads with traffic. And even when we take the longer, back way which has less traffic, I look in the rear view mirror and see him clutching the headrest in front  of him for dear life, white knuckling the ride, this is not a peaceful country excursion, no, it is quite hard on him and of course on me also.

I wonder if this is as good as it gets and should I accept it, or should I keep on keeping on hoping for improvement , or should I give up and say ok perhaps this is it.  The argument goes around and around in my head and no answers come forth. And I also think that I am not helping by giving in and taking the back, longer way, wouldn’t it be better to have the youngest “tough it out” but then would the anxiety become so high we could not even go out and yes this has happened before so it does stick in my mind a possibility.

I have not mastered this art of acceptance,  nor have I given up in despair though there are days when I want to sleep all day and deal with everything tomorrow or never, neither of which is acceptable. And so it goes. The struggle is real, the possibilities small and large at the same time. Confusion abounds, discernment elusive and fleeting.

So my prayer today is for faith in the sovereign God who through all this mess and confusion , this dreadful schizoaffective disorder, remains immutable, remains in all things, through all things and over all things, and for me to remain under His will and in His care AMEN


6 thoughts on “Acceptance or giving up

  1. I think of Joseph in prison all those years. He kept serving the Lord in spite of the difficulty of his situation. He both accepted it as being the will of a Sovereign God and did NOT give up, because he had faith that God had greater plans for him somewhere in the future. His pushing through the trials in surrender to God’s will was both a training ground for a future high position and a way to the saving of many. May the Lord help you to do the same.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Your being encouraged says good things about you, as well. It means you have a heart that is tender and sensitive to the things of God, a heart that yearns for Him, that wants to know Him more and to please Him. Hang in there. He is right there with you holding you in His hands.
        I did Lysa TerKeurst’s Bible study, Finding I Am, recently. One thing I learned from the chapter on “I AM the True Vine” was that the gardener who is pruning a plant is RIGHT THERE BY THE PLANT as He does the pruning (as a gardening enthusiast, it was kind of a duh, why didn’t I think of that before? moment, but also a that is so true moment!). Also, in the “I AM the Good Shepherd” chapter, she showed the hills of Israel that were so dry, and explained how going into the valley was necessary to lead the sheep to the water. As you go through this tiresome, dark valley of the soul, may the water of His Word and the Presence of His Holy Spirit, hydrate your soul and give you peace. 2 Timothy 1:7; 2 Thessalonians 3:16 🙂

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  2. Acceptance is difficult. I have done my fair share of work in this area as two of my children have mental health challenges. God will guide you.

    You are a good momma. I can see it in your writing. Your son is so lucky to have you.

    I find for change to happen acceptance must come first. It seems so backward, but it works. Marsha Linehan teaches it well Pain + Acceptance = the possibility of change but Pain + Non-acceptance = suffering.

    Maree Dee

    Liked by 1 person

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