Paralyzed – or at least paused

So I began writing this post after the youngest ended up in the ER for his voices which had overwhelmed him and then he got better and went back to work. Now I am writing this because he ended up in the ER again this time for a series of short-seizures.

I got the call Wednesday before I had even finished my coffee-not a good thing. So off I went , he was safe had an IV going and was going to X-ray because he had fallen and no one had witnessed the fall but had found him on the sidewalk near his apartment, so of course full on in the ER with all their procedures and protocols. As the Neurologist was talking with us, he experienced what I was to later find out was his third seizure. After a major dose of IV Ativan, he slept for a while and of course was quite groggy from the aberrant brain activity.  He came home with me again to be seen by his Psyche Doc on Thursday, after a loading dose of another medicine. So we are paused, we are weaning off one drug and using another for the prevention of further seizure activity. The real kicker is that he had called us on Tuesday saying he had gotten hired for his first job and was excited about going to work on Saturday. And even after all the hours in the ER he was still focused on getting better and going to do his job. AND IT IS SO HARD NOT TO STEP IN AND SAY NO!!!!

Our eldest is in Nepal with her husband and the grandson and number 2 on the way. She is due in a couple of weeks. We had decided to go and had ordered and paid for the tickets and boom, ER , seizure and med changes. It is hard to let go but I truly believe and the youngest has advocated for himself, that his network is strong, he knows there will be blips, and he knows that his network will be there for him and he has experienced this help now on two different occasions , in two different circumstances. So dear hubby says “the timing for going to Nepal stinks, and the youngest really needs us” my response was “the youngest has asserted that his network works, he is determined to go to his job, and to do his meds and if we say no and stay here, it is like telling him he is too sick to succeed “ so we are going to Nepal, but I have to admit I feel the weight of that decision heavy upon my shoulders. It is the hardest thing I think I have done in a long time , this letting go, This releasing of control, this unknown future,but after all that is Life. God alone is in control, He remains sovereign, He remains all knowing, He remains in all things, over all things and through all things. That Wednesday before I got up I had prayed for peace with whatever happened that day, for a successful day as we had planned on getting the youngest’s POA updated and our taxes done. One phone call and a different kind of success with different priorities occurred, just not my plans lol.

So my prayer for today is for a peace with the decisions made, for a successful updating of the POA, for a safe trip and return for all these to come under the Father’s safe and strong care because He is the Master of all that is the mess of this world and the next. AMEN

 

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