Strange title, but it fits. Today one of my devotions was admonishing the readers to be content in all things as Paul said he had learned to be content in all things. Then I had to pause because it just did not sit well and I wasn’t content. I have struggled with this verse in the past and I am sure I will struggle with it again because I can not be content with this disease of schizophrenia. It challenges me daily to find the right words, said in the right way, at the right time to help the youngest get through his day. And I can not be content when I see daily the struggles he goes through just to get in the car to go to an appointment because everything causes distress. The sounds of traffic, the noise in and outside of the car, the speed and so many other things just rattle him so, and I can not be content when my child is so distressed.
So what is this contentment that I am supposed to have and how do I get it??? I have pondered about this on more than one occasion and I still do not know the answer. And to me it seems if you are content then you would not seek change and aren’t we all supposed to change from glory to glory and not remain the same. And aren’t we supposed to be transformed by the renewing of our minds; somehow this doesn’t sound like contentment either.
Here are some things I am content in; that someday the youngest will be fully restored to the person he is supposed to be without the schizophrenia. That someday I will walk and talk with my Savior just as I do with my friends here on earth. That I am a being who has the Holy Spirit living within and therefore all conversations are Holy because where the Spirit is that is Holy Ground. That the Spirit Source is present everyday and that the most Holy God is in all thing,over all things and through all things. Perhaps this is where I am to find contentment.