Today is a hard day for the youngest. We ( our little threesome) has been invaded in a good way with the elder sister and her hubby and the newest member the grandson and they are staying for a few days. This might seem like a joyful event and it is in part but the other part is the ripple effect it has on the youngest . So this morning was an early morning for the youngest and I was handling the grandson so mom and dad could get some rest. But the whole system is under change and of course the chemicals in the youngest’s brain are not fluent in change. So this is a hard morning .
First there was the panic attack which wasn’t even though his brain was telling him he was short of breath and that he couldn’t breathe this was not the case as I pointed out to him and he agreed that he was getting the signals of a panic attack while there was none , heart ready steady strong, breathing within normal limits, pupils not dilated but the signals in his head were telling him something different. Imagine how you would feel if this is what you have to fight daily, not only that but also fight people telling you that you are ok when clearly you do not feel ok!!!
Invasive thoughts are those which are basically imaginary – like Mars crashing into the Earth, as the youngest one explained to me. Fortunately the youngest is taking a medication which reduces and negates these thoughts. The other one is harder to deal with that is the disjointed thoughts and the rapid thoughts which seem to fire one after another but are not connected and just keep on coming. How do you interrupt those rapid fire, seizure like thoughts and what can you do to slow them down and not spin out of control. These thoughts are partially responsible for the panic feeling . How would anyone like to have thoughts darting through their head and not connecting or making any sense!!! Now have this going on and try to make conversation or have a job interview or just get through the day. I am in awe that the youngest faces these challenges and just keeps plugging away day after day. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to do this and not go stark raving mad. I have to remind myself of these factors when I feel I am getting impatient , short-tempered and generally out of sorts!!! Sometimes it appears I am doing nothing but holding his hand, but in reality I am his anchor, holding him to this reality, in this world and not letting go so it hurts when others judge and say things like” he looks fine and I think you need to let him alone more, or “he seems to be pampered by you and dad” . I get that they don’t understand perhaps a little less judging and a little more reading the blog would help lol!!!
Things are never as easy as they seem !!!