Me and my shadow

So the youngest and I came up with a plan for his anxiety and what to do when I had to go somewhere. It isn’t working, but instead the youngest comes with me, to book club, to prayer team , to church – all good positive things which gets him out of the house and exposed to other people and voices and places. This does not however provide me with any relief from the constant check my pulse, and other things. So definitely not a good thing and hubby can’t let go of his dyad that stands in the way of him helping the youngest.

Right now I feel lost and tearful again so angels get your jars ready for the deluge. I wonder if I will ever have my space again if indeed I ever had any space. It takes a toll on a person having a constant shadow who needs attention or thinks he needs attention. Evidence says he is strong (no hospitalization) so I guess that is a fact. But somehow something is missing and I do not know what that piece is and how to fit it into the puzzle of this life of schizophrenia so on  this yet again rainy day the tears will fall and perhaps I will feel better shadow and all.

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