This is a new month and new beginnings. The rain is pouring down here, washing the earth, pulling the leaves off the trees, changing the landscape from one of foliage to one without and entering us into the fall and wither seasons. The change can be depressing because the sunlight has diminished and the days are much shorter or so they seem. The youngest is still reducing his anxiety medicine and finding other ways to cope with stressors of the day – it is a long process. We are working with him to lett him know that he is capable, able to do this, and on some days it is not an easy sell because he is comfortable being sick!!
The other day he confessed that sometimes he did not want to get well and I asked him to explain that but he wouldn’t or couldn’t. It reminded me of the time when he was learning to read, and did not want to do his daily readings and eventually he let me know that he thought if he learned to read that I would not read to him anymore. So there is that part of his personality that clings to old ways even when they are outdated and no longer working.
So today he rolled his again when I asked him to bookmark some pages for him to explore with his counselor. These are pages which he can learn languages or just about anything and would help him occupy his mind , stop fretting and be more productive. He continues to say he is completely dissatisfied with his work and school situation, so at last family meeting I said ” you know you keep saying this and there has to be a time when you move from saying it to doing something about I tank I think now is the time to do something.”
In this new month I hope he will “pawn forward” , and I hope that hubby will encourage and gently push him also, because when we (both hubby and I are guilty) wrap the youngest in bubble wrap, we are subtly saying to him ” you can’t do this , you are not capable, you are to sick” . NONE OF THAT IS TRUE.
So as the earth goes dormant for rebirth in the spring, hopefully the youngest will begin the transition from saying to doing and on to bigger things in the spring that is my hope and prayer today. He will always have roots here, now he must find his wings to move forward – more than conqueror of this disease schizophrenia.