64B33199-F3D3-4CA3-8951-A85B1E1FCFF2And snow it did. I was particularly concerned because the youngest was to see his doctor on Wednesday and the snow was to arrive on Wednesday. And it did what the forecasters had said was 4-6 ,we got 12, and while it was lovely coming down , it halted everything. Fortunately the youngest did get to see his doctor as his appointment was early before the big blizzard.

He was still hearing voices, but after talking with the doctor, they decide that a small (one pill) increase in one of his meds was the best option. And the voices stopped. We  are thankful.

The snow continues all day and it was still snowing when I went to bed. Work got cancelled for the youngest and by Friday he was feeling down. I suggested that he and his roommates go out and build a snowman, or at least get out. He admitted that he and one of his roommates were not doing so good, but later he felt better. We could not get out so no rescue there. By Saturday we had some melting, though the icy spots on our rural road made driving hazardous and there were several cars in the ditches. Hubby got out and carefully went to the store and back. The youngest was out walking about town with his roommate, and asked if we could get him to the store for some supplies. Hubby went and got him. He got his groceries and went back, he had already done his laundry for the week. His biggest complaint was not working. I told him to hang on there were no more holidays until Easter and he would be okay.

Today it is bright and sunny. We went not able to have church due to snow in the parking lot and the road was still a bit icy. But I am thankful for this Sabbath. This rest day of melting snow and bright sunshine. Not everything is perfect, but at least the sun is shining, the youngest is coping with his new situation, and his new friends. He is getting used to the new dose of medicine which keeps the voices away. Can I be joyful in trials, today the answer is yes. This may or may not remain. But today I am thankful for the Lord who sends the snow for a while and then sends the sun (which I like much better) to melt the snow. Thankful for the team that go the youngest to the doctor before the snow, thankful the youngest willingly took his new dose, thankful for the warm house and no frozen pipes. Thankful for the pot of soup that is cooking in the crockpot, thankful for all those who prayed for the youngest and for the voices to stop. Thankful for gainful employment for when the snow passes the youngest will have work to do that will empower him, and boost his confidence.

So today my prayer is one of thankfulness and gratitude. The road is long and we need to preach to ourselves daily that our God is ever faithful, ever-loving and ever- present. I am blessed AMEN



Last week the pots which bang continually in my son’s head returned. This is not what we had hoped for but were prepared for it. He went to see his doctor on Monday, today is Wednesday and the pots are still there. The prayer team and warriors from around the globe and internet are praying for his relief. And yet the pots still bang away. He however, has not missed any work continues to get up, do his work, his exercise though I am sure it makes him extremely tired. At least the weather has abated  and we are no longer below freezing, Praise the Lord.

This morning I got up and did my usual prayer of  confession and protection and I was struck by the thought that I should guide my son a little bit. He does not want to up his dose of the one medicine that has in the past stopped the pots and voices. I get it, he had a seizure when on the higher dose, but today I texted him and asked him to consider just going up a little bit, 1/2 of one pill a mere 25 milligrams , which I believe would relieve him of his pots. I just made a suggestion, coached him to talk with his doctor and not to wait too long because pots are inherently not a good thing.

I continue to tell him that getting into a new routine takes time, and persistence and I am pleased he is still doing his job. But today my prayer is for him to release his anxious thoughts about increasing this medicine, to advocated for himself, and most importantly for the pots to stop their incessant clanging. It makes my head hurt just thinking about it. I know that God remains in all thing , over all things, and through all things, that He is present and capable and always works for good. Amen

New beginnings

So the youngest got off  on Tuesday, today is Thursday. What an adventure!!! We took him off to work , it was 20 degrees. Now that may be normal where you live but in North Carolina it is frigid. He called Monday night seems there was an issue with his meds,but that got sorted out and now he just has to get used to the routine. On his own , getting up, going to work, coming home, doing his own meals. Am I concerned, yes, a little because he has practiced all these skills but not for long and I do so want him to succeed.

Last night it snowed, I figure that maybe the good Lord is doing a throw down of the worst stuff and if the youngest can get through the worst stuff then the rest can be a piece of cake. We spoke with him last night, he was tired and that is a good thing. He wold us that his work kept him distracted from his issues which is also a good thing. Sometimes thinking is the worst thing you can do, mainly because you can get trapped into that downward spiral of worst case scenarios and all your confidence just floats away like a whiff of smoke on a windy day.

I love my son, but I can also love him into a sickness of dependency and that is worse. It is hard to see him struggle. We all want our kids to have an easy way but we are not designed that way. Without some adversity we wouldn’t use our brains. Without something to push us we wouldn’t develop our muscles and gain strength. I have to believe that this experience for the youngest is strengthening  him in ways which he could not be strengthened if he remained at home.

So today my prayer is for him to gain confidence, strength, discipline and courage. And my prayer for me is to sit on my hands and remain in prayer for him, but not intervene because he is capable, he is guided by good people and he is loved by the Lord who is a rebuilder, refiner, Helper and who loves which an everlasting love.

So I will keep Jeremiah 31:3-4 in mind today for the reassurances of being loved with an everlasting love, and for the assurances of being rebuilt, thanks be to the Lord of all, who remains immutable, in all things, over all things, and through all things. AMEN

2017 a year in review

January started out in LIMBO and proceeded into Feburary with a Boom and preserverance, March the voices returned and there were transitions. By this time we were still struggling with social skills and sitting in the nursery at church rather than in the congregation. I can hardly believe it was this year. It seems like ages and ages ago and the youngest has made great strides praise the Lord for all His bounty. April it seems I was contemplating acceptance of this situation and the choices we were making and the voices disappeared ( I give full credit to all my prayer warriors who were alerted and began praying quickly) within one week of them returning. They still seep back for short periods and when things get a little off kilter for the youngest, but he realizes that they are not permanent, threatening or debilitating as they had been in the past. Another Praise the Lord moment here!!

In May we started over still trying Daily to get back into society and for me it was a struggle of not knowing if I was doing the right thing or not but I just put it in the Lord’s hands and did my best. And in June we got some transitions going along with some accountability and a little boost from some volunteer work the youngest had done. Thanks to the support of those persons who accepted the role of mentor in a small but significant painting job. July was hot and humid and we had some surprises like his anxiety blowing up on us and some grieving to do. I still don’t know what to do with the grief sometimes because it just creeps up on you and the tears flow. We also got caught and diminished , no , not really because the Lord is the Lord who magnifies all little things into great things. We saw the eldest, the son-in-Law and the grandson off to a foreign country so that was truly a change of seasons

September saw little things turn into a miracle and followed by October with the youngest turning in his application to a residential vocational rehab program, and can you believe it when just 10 months ago he wouldn’t or couldn’t be around people, I am still in awe of the amazing power of The Lord who heals.  There were October birthdays and moving forward days and slow step by step progress.

November the youngest went for his trial visit, succeeded and then the wait. We had the holidays of course and a deep-fried turkey which the youngest helped cook -delish, yummy. And excitement as December rolled in with the news that he could move in January 2 for his residential visit.

I actually am pretty amazed at all that has happened this year and the last few days this verse has come up on my devotions. Jeremiah 31:3-4 “I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt.”  And all I can say is Amen and Amen because I have been blesssed with this everlasting love, This unfailing kindness and This rebuilding. Has it been easy, no, is it a miracle, yes. Did I know what was happening in the moment, no but looking back I can surely see the hand of God in all this mess of life after all He is One God the father of all who is in all things over all things and through all things Amen and thank you readers for your prayers uplifted I am sure they were heard and if you ever doubt God is present just review the year and sit in amazing grace and awe of what has happened . Happy New Year, the journey continues.

In wait, a trial of patience

So we are in wait again, as this Advent season has come upon us, we are also in wait for the funding from Vocational rehab to come through. The Advent Sunday’s celebrated in my church are Peace, Joy, Hope, and Love. As I reflect on them I also reflect on this path which has brought the youngest so far. No the journey was not easy, no it is not over,yes there were many times when I did not find peace anywhere around me and my house was so full of anxiety that it actually smelled (stunk) of the stuff.  But God (love that phrase) in His infinite wisdom and timing works things out. Continue reading

Unwinding, decompressing, learning

So the youngest completed his 5 day trial stay, successfully. The director called us on Friday to let us know that they had identified ares which they could work on with the youngest, that he had shown what they needed to see in order to participate in the next step and that we were to pick him up around 3:30. It was all really good

so we went and got the youngest, he was meeting with the jobs counselor. This is also exciting. The group there works to find jobs for those who are in the program and matches them, coaches them, gets them to work, appointments and other things as they progress through the program.

When asked how it was the youngest said he had learned a lot. He learned that work is good for everyone, all the people there are good, serving people, that the worst didn’t happen, that it a structured program “which I like”,and that he wants to go back. When asked what was the hardest he said “coming home from work” because there is time to fill and he wasn’t allowed to take his laptop. He continued to do his exercise even though he was tired,working different muscles, pushing mowers, loping bamboo, raking leaves and generally working. So all in all positive steps. Minor things included their medication stuff and after one email from me and the director, it was straightened out.

So returning will happen probably after Thanksgiving if the funding goes through Vocational Rehab, which it should. There are phone calls in the meantime and some questions to be answered , but not major ones. So we have about two weeks to get things sorted, and we have gotten him a small crockpot lol. Because after all you can only eat so many peanut butter sandwiches. He did very well, I knew he could do it and I am thankful that this program is close by and far enough away. It is such a blessing!!!

so my prayer today is that the youngest begins and continues to feel the successes of this past week. That the people at this place will feel appreciated and continue their good work. And again a prayer of Thanksgiving for all the doctors, counselors, friends who have prayed me and my family through this journey, please continue these; these prayers they strengthen me and sustain my family. And most of all Praise to the Lord, the Sovereign Lord, who is and was and forever more shall be AMEN

Quietude, or calm before the storm

Today is the day. Hubby and I took the youngest off to the assisted vocational rehab place. It is a short 10 minute drive from our house, but this trip was five years in the making. And it is a miracle. When we first got the diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder we were (or perhaps it was just me) overwhelmed, confused , distraught and way, way our of our comfort zone. And in the five years we have moved through all the stages and perhaps some not thought of before of this step but sometimes slow step miracle. It is a miracle and today I am thinking about hope.

When we started this journey we were blindsided by the complexity of the mental health system, stymied by the medical and insurance stuff, and confused by all the information and sometimes misinformation that we received from practitioners as well as internet resources and even from the National institutes on mental health. After a year we switched doctors because after the second hospitalization we needed to do something different and I am ever so thankful that the Sovereign Lord placed Dr. P. In our path. The first day we met she said something like this to the youngest “ I know you don’t have much hope now, but I want you to know that I have hope and if you will work with me then you can have some hope of recovery also “ . I have to say it still brings tears to me eyes and joy to my heart because this doctor took the step to shine a light into our dark place and offer hope.

these days with mass shootings happening all too often make me think that people are out of hope, lost, alone, scared, angry and they too could use a little hope, a little light on their dark world. I think rather than more regulations on gun control we need more access to hope, to genuine concern for our neighbors, and easy access to mental health help, less insurance interferences better coverage for mental health and just more Jesus in everyone’s life.

now how do we get that, we start with a little hope. That hope that grows from the fact we are deeply rooted and connected to the rootstock, grounded in Christ and the Sovereign Lord. This isn’t a request it is a command that we as Christians stand up and go. That we go to all nations and all people and show and tell them of the Christ the one true Lord, who is in all things, over all things and through all things.

My world was squeezed down to nothing during this illness, but now it is once again expanding. Yes, there will be troubles, trials , blips. But my hope is grounded in Christ and rooted in the word (the Bible) and my hope is that somehow I can share that hope with someone who is in that dark place like I was when I was offered hope.

Thanks to all who have said prayers over the youngest and for our family, please continue for this journey is not over but has begun anew with hope. Amen

so we heard from the youngest tonight, he worked on the lawn crew, said he had a little trouble but that it was ok, got his groceries and was fixing his supper. Keep up those prayers this is a miracle that needs support from all angles , thanks for reading and praying

Moving forward day

Well, every day is a moving day, sometimes it is backward  and sometimes it is sideways and sometimes it is forward. We got the word today and have penciled in November 6th on our calendar. This is a moving forward day as the youngest will go to have his 5 day trial at the assisted/vocational rehab living situation. There is some relief, some questions, some fears and yet there  is a lot of calm.

the youngest has had his telephone interviews which all went well. He asked some really good questions and got them answered. Today we went back to the place to sign  some forms for the vocational rehab and so in less than two weeks, he will go and I am excited for him. We have built a strong network of care for him, he has confidence in this network and we love all the prayers and continued support that the network has provided. It has been hard work . Not long ago one of my friends commented when I emailed her that I was up way to early for someone who was retired. And I had to laugh because the last five years have been some of the most intense nursing that I have ever done. But the hard work is paying back with big rewards.

So my prayer today is for This moving day, be a positive moving forward day. That the youngest remains calm, faces the problems and learns how to deal with them and a big shout out thank you for all those prayers which have sustained us theseyears, please continue with the prayers they are coveted and are sustaining. A praise to the Lord God most high who on my weakest days gave me strength, captured my tears, and wept with me, and smiles with delight at the progress this youngest has made, this is a miracle of step by step continual encouragement and learning for me to once again learn to let go, thanks be to the Lord for His presence and patience and for His continued faithfulness, AMEN


So the  youngest and I share a birthday month, a fall month, full of weather changes, leaf changes, and just seasonal changes. Once when the youngest was about 3, I was taking him to his preschool before work and it was one of those October days , cool, crisp , sun shining, colorful; the youngest says to me ” this is a glorious day! ” truly it was a glorious day, I was surprised he knew the word glorious and had used it properly, he was a poet in his heart even then.

Fast forward almost 21 years ( he will be 24 soon) and he is still a poet. His journey has not been an easy walk in the park, but he has persevered. He has taken his lumps, but not been kept down. He walks a bit taller these days. His interview at the progressive housing place went well, and as early as the end of this month he may go for a 5 day trial placement.

I am not sure how I feel about this. Some days I am so proud a speck of dust would pop me like an over-gassed balloon. Other days I am full of concerns and what ifs, that are quickly beaten backing my mantra of God is in all things, over all things and through all things. And the crisp fall air (which hasn’t arrived yet) is just around the bend, and I wait in expectant hope and anticipation of this next step.

So my prayer for today is that for the Lord (who is in all things, and over all things and through all things), will open the doors that need to be opened, close others, provide perserverance for the blips which will occur, strength to carry forward, and that’s just for me – lol, no , that is for all of us who are walking this journey with the youngest, those who are personally known to me and those who are Facebook/internet encouragers. I am thankful to all those who offer up prayers for this journey, they are sustaining, and uplifting and I couldn’t image doing this without them thank you all so very much and Thanks be to the Lord who has placed you here on purpose and you have taken up that call thanks be to the Lord AMEN

Taa-daa, little things become miracles

Last week the youngest turned in his application to an assisted living situation, one which helps those with serious mental illnesses develop job skills and living skills. This is a MIRACLE. No , not the boom and it is done kind, but more of a step by persistent step miracle. And of course, God was present every single step, every single day including those days of seclusion when the youngest could not even leave his room but to his anxiety.

Today he went to the grocery store. Another small step by step miracle. Persistence to overcome the noise, people,  the rhythm of stores in general with their music, and beeps and just noise. For me, you just tune them out most of the time, but for the youngest it is like an assault on his ears and jacks his anxiety into high gear. But he is determined to do this and has placed himself squarely in the driver’s seat as he takes over the directionality of his life. MIRACLE, yes indeed it truly is one of those little by little moving forward. Will there be set backs? Probably, but even then I am confident he will be able to come up with a plan on how to overcome them.  Next week he goes for an official intake interview, this helps prepare him for future job interviews.

So my prayer today is for those step by step miracles especially when we want the boom, one and done kind of miracles. Thankful for those who continue to uplift the youngest in prayer, for the therapists, the doctors who have the patience to move step by step when we as parents want to see our children better- right now, but in their wisdom know that step by step is a better way. Thankful that the Sovereign Lord remains in all things , over all things and through all things and has immense patience with us daily. Amen