So Another week has passed and we are closer to the holidays which always brings on more stress chemicals, even good stress chemicals can throw one with schizophrenia off so we will see.
we have been doing simple stress tests this past week like going to the park for a walk, me going to book club without the youngest and attending a funeral. All were small steps and done pretty well I think . A couple of family sessions ago I drew a graphic of what we were like – similar to a bullseye- in which the youngest and I were in the middle. I told him that that was good for a time when he needed me to be that close but I said it was now time to break the inner circle and let other people in so that he could step out and the reassured him that I would always step back in when needed so I think maybe the inner circle has become a bit more porous maybe with a few breaks and it feels like we are in the right direction.
Sometimes you have to step out bold to break inertia of staying in the comfortable zone so this week we also sent off an application to a residential program and the youngest got a phone call from the admissions director. Now he is not ready to go and I don’t know if he will agree to the interview but I am prayerful that he will do the interview. This is a first step one which I pray will lead to more and more steps of independence and to a more hopeful outlook on his future, perhaps some seeds will be sown on his fertile ground as we have been talking for what seems like ages about him becoming more independent.
The process is long and slow and maintaining patience is not easy. There are days when I retreat to some other room in the house and just say a quick prayer for peace, or guidance, or patience, or just for the Spirit to help me keep my mouth shut. And some days it is enough to get through , just enough to make the day do-able, to sleep and to get up and try again with hope.