So it has been a few weeks since I last blogged. I have been struggling in more ways than one. I read a lot of other blogs and they are all pretty much upbeat, on target and uplifting, but I have a different experience. My days are numbered by how many time I have to check a pulse, listen to the youngest heart and reassure hm that all is well. It is hard to be upbeat when your days are endless reassurance of something that most people never ever give one second of thought to -is my heart beating ok?  And it is easy to get lost in the pit when it is so constant. I often think about how everyone else’s life must be so upbeat and grace filled, especially those bloggers who are concerned with their children and how they will get along at school etc. I wonder how they would feel if they had a child who has schizophrenia or any number of other serious mental health problems and how would they react, what would their spouses be like and would they so very encouraging or would they like me be struggling just to get up in the morning. Sometimes I think I have it a bit easier because I know I can not be in control , I have to release control to the One who truly is in control. So everyday my prayer before I get going is something on this order ” dear Lord, thank  you for placing me in this day, and for your presence, I do not know what this day will bring but You Lord know everything, so I ask that you stand with me, give me the strength, wisdom, patience or whatever it is I need for this day and thank you. And amen Some days are hard , others are not so bad. So for now I will read those encouraging blogs and I will also look for those which speak to the struggle which is real and if we (the Christian community) can not speak of the struggles then where are those who struggle every day going to find someone whom they can speak with, in honesty , knowing that the struggle remains daily.